•Absent Memories•

The ticking of my watch doesn't give me as much comfort

As the sound of your voice over wires,

If I called you now, would you pick up the phone??

I need to hear your voice

Because it is the only thing in the world that makes me feel less alone,

I want you to tell me if God is really real, angels too,

I'd really like to know because kids are screaming in the dark

& I don't want them to feel so alone, as alone as I do,

My body shakes in the dark,

This earth quakes in the dark,

I cannot feel the reality of hearts beating

& this entire world feels too much like a dream,

Because you have always been my tether to reality,

But you left, and you took my reality with you,

The shaking of my hands reminds me that you're not really here,

& I can't seem to get the point-

You're not here.

So the words start to slip & my hands start to slip,

& it fills me with fear because you're the only one who can convince me that this is all real,

The demon in the corner is screaming, arguing with the voices in my head,

& last night I thought that this was all just a game,

But your taste is in my mouth & my breath has been replaced,

But the aching memory of your sweet gentle face-

I can't get it out,

I can't get you out,

Someone needs to help me,

There is something in the walls & the world is blurry,

& I'm fading and it feels like everything is slowing down...

I thought I heard your heart beat through these walls,

& I swore I could feel your breath on my neck,

But I have forgotten the feeling of your hands against my skin,

& I have forgotten my own name,

& I have forgotten to speak to you like I used to,

Then again, I've probably been forgotten by you anyway,

I am a ghost-

Locked away in a drawer in the back of your mind,

& I'm right here.

I'm right here.

I am right here!!

I've been screaming for so long I'm not even sure if I'm real,

Often I think I'm dreaming

Because my voice shakes & my eyes are lost in a fog & you can't hear me,

I'm screaming I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I AM SORRY!! at the top of my lungs,

I will never forget you or the way our lips tasted in the morning sunlight,

But it's a pointless promise, I guess,

Because I don't even know if I'll ever hear you say "I love you too"..

For a second you were here with me,

But now I'm so afraid & so out of place,

Because the only thing you left behind is me,

Thinking that maybe, just maybe, you were never even real..