Breathing upon the windows, "Let me in"..
I can't help but see the world as empty once more,
Every opportunity ceases to mean something,
So I crank out more words,
Extrapolate creation from my nothingness to feed my hungry soul,
Why can't I feel any more??
Nothing but regret and anger fill the room,
(Drown, damn it drown!!!)
All the life boats take us to an empty-promise island,
A land so full of empty promises
It practically dribbles out of the ears of the dumb to listen,
I see happy people everywhere and I silently judge them,
Because she made me an empty shell with no remorse,
A by-stander in this world
Watching these crystal cups splinter light through whiskey drags and fine-cut glass,
As memories touch the counter
With sweat-stuck fingers and long broken hearts,
Will these shattered bottles and alcohol-stained shirts ever wash out your love??
She'd be the death of me, as it turns out, and deep down I had always known it,
I walked into her love cautiously,
Carrying my self-doubt like luggage when boarding a plane,
Carefully placing it in the cargo bin above my head where it stayed,
Hovering over my head until we reached our destination,
But she knew and packed lightly
Because she had absolutely no idea where we were headed,
See, I was being cautious at first,
But her being completely drew my soul
& before I realised it, I had fallen too deeply for her...
She was more book than girl by the time we crossed paths,
So I opened her faded cover,
& as her spine cracked, I realised-
She had been handled far more than she had been read,
She was a soul demanding to be heard
In a body refusing to speak,
& yet even in her silence, I could hear and understand the lonely whispers of her soul,
Before long, I realised that she had opened me,
Terrifyingly so, to the idea that a person can be as equally addicting as a substance,
Falling in love with her had always proven to be a very wonderful adventure,
She made it look so easy,
& my God, was it easy,
She had poisoned my body in the most intoxicating ways,
& even now, worlds away from her,
I sit patiently in wait aching for a fix,
You could parachute out of a plane
& still not know the adrenaline surging through my veins whenever we touched,
You could scale a building
& still know nothing of the fingertips etching my skin,
That take me to heights I have never known,
She was a fire that set my soul ablaze,
I tried drinking to extinguish her,
But now I drink to rememeber what it was like to burn,
I had always loved to hear her speak,
& even if her words were rain drops,
I would drown before I'd ever stop her rambling...
She surrounded me with shards of her brokenness,
She cut me wherever she wanted, whenever she pleased,
& I happily bled for her, because it helped ease her pain,
She had destroyed me-
But far more often I had suffered destruction by my own hand,
& if I cannot continue loving her despite the fact that she cut the last string holding together my being,
I'm afraid I cannot love myself..
These pages have fallen victim to my bleeding pen as I drain its core dry,
Yet the emotions never measure up,
The pens will dry, the pencils will dull,
& still you will stand giving me more and more to jot,
Darling you could paper a million trees and I would still overflow with words,
With ink from my fingertips to write those ever failing words,
As my heart attempts to tell my mind what it feels when it stops dead in its tracks for you,
I would love to forget you,
But as the ice cubes sit lonely in their cold glass towers,
Memoreies of you, of us, plague me,
I will not allow myself to be defined by the reasons you stopped loving me..
I am a by-stander in this world,
& as I watch these crystal cups and splintered lights,
I leave with bottles to spare..
It has always been a pleasure loving you.
