•Anywhere•

Needless destitude,,
Hopeless solitude,,
Bridges I left unburned are now collapsing under the weight of my memories,
It only takes one bad day to remember how alone you really are,
To see how vast the world really is
& just how insignificant you are to the world,
Now imagine if every single day you had was a bad day,,
Then imagine meeting someone that understands your soul,
Someone that looks past your eyes into you & loves whatever they see,
Someone that makes every single bad day bearable by her simple words,
''It'll be okay, I'm here for you'',
I met someone like that, & not just in my head like I usually do,
& she made me happier than I ever thought possible,
She was the only one allowed to-
Touch my scars,
Caress my whispers,
Breathe in my secrets,
She was never one of the crowd, she was THE one in the crowd,
A single soul among billions, yet within her existed the world entire,
She would leave me weak, breathless, speechless every time I looked into her eyes,
But you don't need words because her eyes are poetry itself,
Her beauty never screamed to be noticed, yet she was the most beautiful person I ever laid eyes on,
All you had to do was pay close attention & her glow in the sun would draw you to her,
She showed me that there is nothing more beautiful than the complex beauty of simplicity,
Turning from the spotlight, she laid a finger upon my lips as if to hush the room,
& she whispered, ''Your soul's darkness is mere grey to me my love,,mere grey..''
Everyday I wake up & my mind is instantly inhabited by thoughts of her,
Thoughts of the one who everyday assisted me in beginning my hours of daylight,
I would surface, make a cup of tea & sit in my seat next to the kitchen door,
Watching as the sun kisses the ground,
Always accompanied by her smell, which seems to spend vast amounts of time just lingering around,
This is a passion beyond my eyes, beyond the haze of sense,
When they type, my fingers disappear & they cannot speak of her again,
My only hope forms on my lips-
That my breath will find her breath in the ravishing darkness under the Eye of the sky..

& I fill my lungs with ash in an attempt to find my sanity,
I want to cough up the blood that your fingertips drew from my veins,
I held my head down while I screamed,
I breathed in the dirt you walked on because I was afraid,
So terrified of your absolute power over me-
The power that you used to heal my bruised heart,
You were the monster under my bed that I never thought I would meet,
I tear myself apart stitch by stitch looking for a way to breathe you,
I build this shell around myself,
No venomous affection can pierce this skin of broken memories,
I hide from all humanity because people bring fire & poison,
But you are the only one who knows the secret chink in my so-called impenetrable armour,
You melt away the metal with your fiery love & beautiful eyes,
So I try to lock myself in a cage, a self-made prison,
Closed & locked away behind layers of hatred,
I bury myself in a bullet-hole of empty days & sleepless nights,
I've been balancing on the tip,
On the edge of nothing for fear of falling into something that might be beautiful,
But see, if it doesn't involve you, then the beautiful something to-be is reduced to rubble reeking fumes,
Toxic air, toxic despair-
& I inhale, regardless,
I have never been good at playing games,
My poker face is as secret as a highway billboard,
My soul as stealthy as a fire alarm,
I'll lay my cards on the table-
Spread my muddled aces, tell you I'm afraid,
I'm scared out of my wits,
Destiny is calling & I don't know how not to follow it,
Some would claim the opposite of safety is danger,
But I beg to differ; It is opportunity,
For in it lurks endless possibilities, any imaginable disaster,
I am young, I am free, I have the world ahead of me,
Urged to erase these memories of you, of us, & let my heart grow big,
For I am allowed to bloom, but I can't admit I'm too terrified to,
I'm expected to be myself but put my emotions on a shelf,
& simply soak up the sunshine pouring down on me,
As if we were never, we..

The truth is, I am & will always be in love with you,
I've wept my sheets into soggy tissues every night
At the prospect that I will be facing a future that no longer includes you,
I'm not quite ready to let go of your love yet,
For I've found there's a little boy inside me who's not quite old enough yet
To accept his fairy tale romance is being snuffed out before it has a chance to breathe,
You touch my hand, smile, ask me what's wrong,
& I say nothing-
I do not wish to waste any time I have with you drowning in the pain of our impending doom,
Still, in the dead of the night, as I watch the satellites disappear behind the clouds,
My heart fragments like shooting stars as I realized we have to let go of all we are,
From that first night we met, you pressed me to your skin,
I knew that there would be no other to dwell within the silent folds of my soul,
Now it all has to go.
The girl who once held me strong, yet soft & tender in her arms,
Whispered into my kinky hair,
''I'll forever be there'',
Let me fall off into anywhere...