•The Joy Of Sadness•

I have a solar-powered confidence & a battery-operated smile,
My hobbies include-
Editing my life story,
Hiding behind my metaphores,
& trying to convince my shadow that I'm someone worth following,
I've been told that I give really shitty hugs,
People say that it feels like I'm trying to escape,
That's probably because I am,
Secretly, I get really nervous
Whenever someone gets close enough to hear me breathe,
I have an odd fascination with ice sculptures & sand castles,
& I assume it's because I usually find myself
Dedicating time to things that will last only a few moments,
I have been called an awkward introvert, a lonely loner,
I am, in fact, a discordant wallflower too afraid to bloom,
I am an awkward caterpillar hiding inside my coccoon,
Too afraid to break out my wings & venture into the outernet..

Every morning I wake up, I realize,
I am not weak simply because my heart feels so heavy,
'Cause see I have never met a heavy heart that wasn't a phone booth with a red cape inside,
I can't live here, in my body I mean,
I can't stay in my body all the time for it feels too much,
I think alot about killing myself,
Not like a point on a map,
But rather like a glowing exit sign
At a show that's never quite bad enough to make me want to leave,
See, when I'm up, I don't kill myself because holy shit, there's still so much to do!!
When I'm down, I don't kill myself either because then the sadness would be over,
& the sadness is my old paint under the new,
The sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder,
I'd still be me without it, but I'd be so boring,
So if I ever feel far away, know that I am not gone,
I am just underneath my grief,
Adjusting the dial on my radio face so that I can take this life,
With all of it's love & with all of it's loss...